Prisoner interrogation

[srwu_npc]

It is time to interrogate the captured C.L.A.W. pilots and see what useful information you can get from them. There's only one problem.

They're cats. Sapient ones, but still - normal-sized, household cats. Currently sitting around in the holding cell/pet room, looking around disdainfully as cats tend to do. How to extract anything from them?


"Umm. Does anyone have any catnip?"

This is a hijinks post. Violence against animals is not accepted!

Comments

[prismphantom]

[How do you establish a connection with a bunch of cats? Provide a common enemy.]

You know... even after everything I still like all of you a lot more than that stupid bird from before.

[srwu_npc]

"Bird? You're a metal bird yourself." One of the cats' eyes widen as it follows Elma's movements. In fact, all of them do.

[prismphantom]

Not at all! I'm a subot... and one bird even compared me with a scarecrow!

[And its then that he generates a holographic image of his arch-nemesis!]



That is a talking bird, and an ill-mannered one too! You should just hear some of the things that came from her beak!

[And in fact, why not just play them for the cats? Elma's eyes turn blue, various audio clips playing out for them to hear.]

[srwu_npc]

The cats listen to the recording with varying degrees of annoyance on their faces. As they do that though, one of them is prowling closer - and leaps, right through the holographic projection.

"Sgt Mittens, that was only a projection. Don't be an idiot!"

"Don't call me that! I'm Sgt Swiftpaw for you!" They hiss at each other.

Good job, instead of cooperation Chika's presence started infighting.

[prismphantom]

Stop, stop! That's just what Chika would want you to do!

[It's not long before Selena arrives too though.]



... Elma what did you do?



Just... just trying to show them that we have common ground! We all hate birds, especially really mean ones!

[srwu_npc]

Cats are chasing each other around Selena's feet. They pay you little attention at the moment.

[prismphantom]

[We'll see how much attention they'll give though after Selena claps her hands once noisily.]

Alright then! All of you just hold on one moment!



We, the Unity Group, were hoping you'd be able to give us some insight into activities with your comrades. We don't intend to harm you or any of them should we find them. And any assistance would in fact be rewarded handsomely.

My little friend Elma here is in fact an incredible chef, and I can imagine the food you've been getting here probably came from a discount store.

However... any one of you who offers us information will be rewarded with a made-to-order meal out of any fish any of you wish to eat.

Selena, what are you saying-

Elma will be the personal chef for any and all of you if you so wish to accept this offer. If you doubt his abilities as a cook, we can also do a "trial run" just to alleviate any concerns.

[srwu_npc]

Your prisoners jump at the loud noise, then pretend they meant to do that and the chase doesn't interest them anymore.

"You want to bribe us... with food? Who do you take us for, little kittens with no self control?" One of the cats sneers.

Looks like a trial run might be in order after all.

[prismphantom]

I take you for cats who would probably appreciate a warm, cooked meal over dry feed from a bag any day. Anyone would.

And "bribe" is a rather strong word here. "Compensate" would be more appropriate from my perspective.

[srwu_npc]

"Warm meal..." The cat contemplates in a half-dreamy voice.
"No! I would never accept something out of a human's paw!"

[prismphantom]

Too late for that, Señor Gato, on account of the food, water, and shelter we've been providing you at some cost to ourselves. We don't always leave these rooms heated.

[No way is she going to mention the cutbacks because of Loni.]

So I guess that means your pride's already a casualty here. My condolences... though I've heard one of those warm meals does wonders to help you sleep things off.

[srwu_npc]

"Bah. That was your choice to do, not mine." The cat makes a frowny cat-like face.

"What's that about sleeping off?" One of the other background cats asks.

[gold_four]

Tell me what I want to know, and I may let you off easy.

[Ataru is astonishingly confident about how he'll handle this.]

[srwu_npc]

The interrogated cat yawns in disrespect in a typical cat-like fashion.

"I am not giving anything to the oppressor of catkind." It does not look even that defiant, more unimpressed.

[gold_four]

Oppressor? But, good sir, were it not for the human race, your kind would not exist.

[There is a rattling sound from Ataru's hands, hidden behind his back.]

[srwu_npc]

"If it wasn't for our Father, we wouldn't exist. And humanity drove him to despair and dea... what was that?!" The cat is suddenly very interested in the noise.

[gold_four]

A creation of mankind. You see, cats have been alongside humans for many centuries - millennia, in fact. And we have cared for them. Learned how to bring them enjoyment.

Have fun.

[He tosses out a rattling ball.]

[srwu_npc]

"Nonsense... ah!"

"Ball."

The cats stare at the toy fascinated, and as soon as it's in the air - they all lunge at it!

"Ball!"

[gold_four]

Interested in what I have to hear?

[Ataru admittedly isn't certain they can hear him at all at this point, but he waits patiently, knowing he has more if need be.]

[srwu_npc]

"Follow that ball!"

"It's mine. Mine!"

The cats are indeed too busy being distracted by the rattling toy to listen to you. They start throwing it around like, well, like cats.

[gold_four]

[And now, he draws out, and points a little in front of him, the laser pointer.]

Do I have your attention?

[srwu_npc]

"Eh? What is it human?!"

"What's this!"

The cats are temporarily distracted, but it looks like their attention is being focused on the pointer. If you want to tell them something, be quick.

[gold_four]

A device. A human made device. One which can intrigue and challenge you, as it has done many great cats.

What kind of civilisation that hates kitten kind would create such things, eh? Why would we have things for you to play with?

1/2

[a_louse]

I can't believe I'm doing this...
[Roger thinks to himself as he sits down at the table, with a briefcase. The briefcase remains closed for the time being.]

2/2

[a_louse]

My name is Roger Smith. I am a negotiator; it's within my interest to make sure we reach a mutually beneficial agreement.

May I know your name?

[srwu_npc]

"No." Says the closest cat, looking like it ignores you as much as possible on purpose.

[a_louse]

I'd rather go with something less impersonal than "you" or "mr cat", but if you don't want to provide...

I'd like to ask you about a few things. What are the conditions in which they keep you here? Is there anything you're missing?

[srwu_npc]

"The only thing I am missing... is FREEDOM! Release us." The cat demands.

[a_louse]

That's a tricky thing to ask for. You are here because you attacked the Madorna Workshop, after all; you're a guilty criminal.

But that doesn't mean I can't help you. What do you say about a little gamble? I have a certain thing here, in this briefcase; if any of you manage to catch it, I'll help you get out. But if none of you do, then you'll tell me what I want. What about it? Are your hunting skills up for the challenge?

[srwu_npc]

"I am the greatest hunter. I can catch whatever big slow humans have in store!" Your prisoner boasts, yawning proudly.

[a_louse]

Very well then...

[Roger opens the briefcase and reaches in - there's a laser pointer inside! He turns it on, moving its mark out of the box, over the table, and down on the floor, like it's trying to escape.]

If you accept my challenge, try catching the dot!

[srwu_npc]

As soon as the red dot appears, the cat's attentive gaze is on it. The lounging cat rises to its feet almost immediately, still trying to track the dot and even moving to bat at it. All that comes from this is the dot moving over onto the animals outstretched paw.

"What is this? Explain yourself!"

[a_louse]

[As soon as the cat reaches out for the dot, it suddenly jumps out of the way, and starts darting crazily over the floor and walls! Surely this has nothing to do with an item Roger is holding in his hand.]

I will explain later. For now, shouldn't you make sure it doesn't get away?

[srwu_npc]

"Where did it go? Do you command its movements?!" The cat's whole body twists and turns as it tries to follow the red dot. There... it's just where it has to be for a trained hunter's lunge!

But the cat's paws are empty.

"Explain this trickery!"

[a_louse]

I will gladly not only explain, but tell you how to do it yourself...

If you answer a few of my questions.