The knight, the human, Sielje's life

[stupidhonor]

[It's over. Ishin is slain, his true nature revealed. Ankaia lies in ruins, many of its artifacts lost. It will not be able to sustain itself much longer - but Ynya and Kimhone promised to lead it to restoration, through cooperation with Earth, and wisdom: knowing whom they can trust, and who to avoid. But...]

I broke everyone's trust. I withheld things of importance. I was no Burned Out. Everyone assumed it but I never corrected them. And... I raised my hand against them. Such gratefulness.

[Sielje speaks to herself as she tries to sneak out from the base. She doesn't know where to go - but she cannot stay here.]

How can I face them anymore? After all I did? My... friends?


...


...

[Her steps cease.]


...

I... cannot.

I cannot disappear from everyone's lives. And I... definitely cannot forget. Even if it means facing them, and pain. I will not.

I am so stupid.

[She turns around and moves back - to the base, and to face the rest of her life, starting today.]

Comments

[empress_without_a_throne]

Welcome back.

[Regardless of whether Mizuki's meaning Sielje's fight in Brussels or her attempt of leaving, she smiling at Sielje when the knight returns.]

[stupidhonor]

Umm. Yes.

[Sielje is both too embarassed and not Japanese enough for an "I'm home". Besides, she isn't.]

After all I did... I assume you have much to tell me. The words may be harsh but I will listen.

[empress_without_a_throne]

Thank you, but I'll need to hear something before I say my piece.

When you were out there, fighting your hardest against your friends... you were still hoping that you would lose, weren't you?

[stupidhonor]

I did...

Any warrior would laugh at me hearing that. It is disgraceful but I will not lie or hide it. I fought my best, but I hoped - I hoped victory to evade my grasp.

[in_over_his_head]

You know... I always thought monologues were my thing.

[Calvin gives the knight a small grin.]

Glad to see you made the right choice.

[empress_without_a_throne]

Not many warriors end up walking the same path you did. And Ankaia does things differently than Earth. Without the moot and your defeat... maybe these calls for peace wouldn't have been accepted.

More importantly... I think you are selling yourself, as a soldier and as a person, short. Far too short.

[stupidhonor]

I did not have a choice to make. I did not - you did.

[in_over_his_head]

Well that's one way of looking at it.

So what's next for the Guard of the South? I'm guessing you have some kind of idea for what you want for yourself.

[stupidhonor]

Calls for peace are one thing, but many on Ankaia would issue a challenge only to win it. And... even though I am glad I lost, defeat still felt... bad.

And, I do not know - if I judge myself fairly or not...

[stupidhonor]

What do I want for myself?

I... do not know...

I never considered this. For many years I just lived. I was not happy with it but I felt like I had no power to do anything about it.

[in_over_his_head]

Well after everything that happened, you certainly have it now.

Either way... take your time Sielje. No rush at all.

[stupidhonor]

I still know not what to do, what do I want. But...

[Sielje's face breaks into a smile.]

I think I will manage. And for once, the future is what I can look forward to.

[actuallyselfish]

"Don't say that," Dido says, catching up and keeping pace with Sieljie. "You're plenty smart, Sieljie!"

Dido wrinkles her nose. "Frankly, I think the code of honor you follow is what's dumb. If it forces you to follow the will of people you don't like, and pushes you into actions that make you unhappy...what's the point of having honor?"

[stupidhonor]

... No. I am sorry Dido, but you are wrong.

Honor is important. If you gave your word, made a vow - but then decided to simply abandon it, because you do not like it. What does that make of you?

[empress_without_a_throne]

In my experience there's only two types of people. The type too hard on themselves, and the type not hard enough. You fall into the first group quite easily.

Also... I don't know if you'll take from this as much as I hope you will, but I'm not a stranger to knights. During its prime, Solaris went through a number of teams... and one was very much a group of modern day nights. When one of the Great Black Void's waves of followers were vanquished, there was always a changing of the guard... but they stayed on because they felt they hadn't done enough for the world yet. And... they kept at it. For more than two years, even... until various factors forced them to retire and go their separate ways.

From what I've heard,they just the most noble types of people you can imagine. But I think... even they would be honored and humbled if they met you.

[stupidhonor]

You hardly need to console me. It is not that I need encouragement to go on, or hate myself... much.

But, thank you. You sparked my curiosity, I was not aware you knew this type of person too.

And I wonder what happened.

[lostamigo]

You haven't changed at all, huh? Always struggling between what you want to do, and what you think you should do. Since day one.

I'm glad this isn't a goodbye, Sielje.

[stupidhonor]

It is not that I always have a choice...

But, I want to stay. If it is alright, and if I can be forgiven, then I wish to help you more.

[lostamigo]

Forgiven for what? Deceiving everyone? Making us fight you?

[stupidhonor]

[Nod nod.]

[lostamigo]

Well. Both of those were very Sielje things to do. I think everyone's used to that at this point.

What matters is that you're not Burned Out. Or dead.

[stupidhonor]

I do not want everyone being used to me deceiving them!

And... my might was so little, everyone thought I was Burned Out, when I was not. I am glad not to be, but...

[majestic_keiki]

Why should you disappear? You risked everything to save both Earth and Ankaia. [A Kei pops up as Sielje tries to sneak away.]

[stupidhonor]

Ahh! Y-you are good at sneaking around...

[Sielje coughs.]

Yes, but I am not the only one who did. I am however the only one who turned her blade on you.

[majestic_keiki]

You were trying to put Lord Moswar's views to rest and fulfill your obligation, nobody blames you for that.