Tuning of Bootleg

[keep_your_dignity]

1

[A new day in Alhambra base, early in the morning! The peace, however, is disturbed when a cargo helicopter bearing the Graveyard insignia lands in the nearby pads.
Kagura comes out to receive them, standing in the open as a young man in black and purple uniform comes out and salutes smartly.

We brought the parts requested, ma'am.
DID ANYONE COMPLAIN?
Not at all, ma'am.
REALLY?
...well, nothing worrying, Major. Just a bit of grumbling by the guys at lab for the Xanthezes.
GOOD. THE HANGAR IS THAT WAY. HELP THE TECHNICIANS GET EVERYTHING SET UP.
Yes ma'am.

[The man in the dark jacket salutes smartly and heads back into the chopper to get everyone ready. Soon, there is a lot of bustle nearby, as a group of technicians, helped by a small handful of people in distinctive black and purple clothes, start unloading some odd-looking boxes. What might catch the attention of onlookers, though, is the fact that several of this personnel in the dark jackets moving boxes are doing so by flying around as easily as they walk. Or, looking more closely, the fact that all of said people are accompanied by what can only be described as tiny little fairy-ish humanoids, not much more than 20cm tall, whose legs end in a sort of twinkling crystal hemisphere, gabbing happily as they work.

Those who are really well informed probably recognize these as Executor operatives and the adorable little humanoids as the prized unique weapon of Graveyard, Mistletoes (everyone else, on the other hand, is probably going to feel pretty confused :P).

But then, Kagura is right there in the open, supervising everything as the technicians begin building a sort of structure in Kagura's assigned place in the hangar. If you want to ask questions, or simply talk with the artificial Major, now's probably the best time.]

2

[Some time later, a communication open to everyone pops up. A synthesized voice that sounds like a text-to-speech program comes out - Kagura's]

IS THIS WORKING. GOOD.

MY NAME IS KAGURA. MANY OF YOU OF YOU ALREADY MET ME YESTERDAY. AND SINCE EVERY TIME I WAS ASKED THE EXACT SAME FUCKING QUESTION I FIGURED I WOULD LEAVE IT ON PUBLIC RECORD AND SAVE US ALL SOME TIME.

NO, THIS IS NOT A POWER ARMOR. NO, I AM NOT HUMAN. NO, I DO NOT HAVE HUMAN PARTS NOR AM I BASED IN ANY WAY ON A HUMAN. YES, THIS IS VERY SPECIAL AND ALL THAT ROT. NOW CAN WE PLEASE MOVE ON ALREADY.

THANK YOU.

[Well, someone woke up from sleep mode cranky today. Still, the communication is open, so it can be replied to, if you're willing to risk being grumped at.]

Comments

1

[star_of_sad]

[The big robot is still intimidating and not friendly. But Setsuko just has to know. She inches forward unhastily.]

You're being helped by fairies?

Re: 1

[keep_your_dignity]

MISTLETOES. SYNCHRONIZATION-BASED POWER BATTERIES.

[star_of_sad]

Batteries? Are they... sentient? But they look almost like humans, only small.
[And adorable.]

Ah. My apologies for asking so many questions.

[keep_your_dignity]

YES, THEY'RE SENTIENT. BUT NOT VERY BRIGHT FOR THE MOST PART. THEY'RE JUST EQUIPMENT TO EMPOWER OPERATIVES AND DON'T WANT MUCH ELSE

[star_of_sad]

I see. So, even such small things can be so helpful...

It makes you feel happy in a way, doesn't it.

[anewmachine]

You're a robot? Seriously?

That's amazing! That's way more advanced than I'd thought the state of the art had reached!

[keep_your_dignity]

YOU ARE GOING TO ASK ME HOW I WORK NEXT, I BET.

[anewmachine]

I'd love to know! I'm an AI too, but I didn't think you could fit a human-sized mind into a human-sized body with current hardware, even a big body!

You do run on that body, right? You're not remoting it from a mainframe somewhere?

[keep_your_dignity]

YOU REALIZE MISTLETOES ARE ALSO ARTIFICIAL LIFE, INTELLIGENT, FOR NOT TOO HIGH VALUES OF INTELLIGENT AT LEAST, AND TWENTY CENTIMETERS TALL.

BY COMPARISON THIS IS ENORMOUS.

[anewmachine]

Mistletoes? Those little fairy people? I don't know much more about them than that they exist. I'm not sure anyone outside of Graveyard does.

So are the details about you classified, too? I'm sorry! I don't mean to be rude! I just, I mean, it'd be really cool to have a human-sized body I could actually inhabit instead of just steering around by remote! That's still years away based on what public robotics research has, though.

1

[abugslife]

Hmm? What curious little creatures. I didn't know there is a race of micro-Earthlings on this planet.

[keep_your_dignity]

THERE ARE NOT. THOSE ARE MISTLETOES. ARTIFICIAL SENTIENT POWER BATTERIES.

[abugslife]

Power batteries.

[Heph doesn't raise an eyebrow, but if there's such a thing as an eyebrow-raising tone of voice, this is how she sounds like now.]

[keep_your_dignity]

YES. YOU HOOK THEM UP TO COMPATIBLE OPERATIVES TO GIVE THEM ANTI-PRAYER ABILITIES.

[abugslife]

And that is how you kill the Prayer for good? I must say, it sounds like you owe a lot to these little creatures.

2

[a_linear_mind]

Ooooooh, so what you're saying is that you're not a human?

[keep_your_dignity]

[There are a few seconds of silence after Willis speaks. Not having body language makes Kagura seem impassive, but she's probably all sorts of facepalming inside. Finally she speaks again.]

YES. THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I'M SAYING.

[a_linear_mind]

Did you just have to load up a response? That pause didn't seem normal.

[keep_your_dignity]

YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY BE AS STUPID AS YOU SEEM.

1

[way_of_vengeance]

[And pink-haired lady is watching the proceedings, of course.]

Oh, how cute! They've got mascot characters!

[keep_your_dignity]

THOSE AREN'T MASCOTS. THEY ARE GRAVEYARD WEAPONRY.

[way_of_vengeance]

They look an awful lot like mascots to me.

[keep_your_dignity]

AND ABOUT AS USEFUL OUTSIDE OF BATTLE. BUT THEY ARE WEAPONRY NONETHELESS.

2)

[break_the_nine]

So if you're a robot...

Do you drink oil? Do you operate on the three laws? Do you have to worry about rust in your joints? Does it feel weird for you when the mechanics have to open you up to fix you? Are you planning to cause a thermonuclear Armageddon to take over the world as a machine overlord?

[keep_your_dignity]

NO. NO. NO. YES. NO.

[You certainly can't accuse Kagura of not being to the point]