A knight's loss

[stupidhonor]

[Following the operation to bring down Cambio Protocol, a certain someone was very, very quiet and evasive. But the door to Sielje's room is unlocked, so if you want to check how she's doing...]

So many lost their lives on the island. They fought, we all did, to save countless others from the lava weapon.

[Sielje sits in the dark, curled up on the bed. She doesn't look up while talking, but she speaks up only when some kind of company arrives.]

Then, why is it that all I can selfishly think of...


She is not coming back, is she?

Comments

[empress_without_a_throne]

[And the knight gets visited by an empress.]

She did say "when". Not "if".

It might only be a small consolation but... Jen had faith she would, somehow.

[stupidhonor]

I too had faith. I still have faith in her.

But... faith is not enough...

[empress_without_a_throne]

Maybe not... but there's nothing more that we can do on our end. And more than anything else she always had a long-term plan...

We'll just have to wait and see. But in the meantime...

[A smile.]

Nobody's going to think you're being selfish worrying about her.

[stupidhonor]

No? You are right. We should wait and see, and have hope...

But all I can do is sit here and worry.

[majestic_keiki]

I don't know.

[Sielje doesn't get to just completely curl up on her own. A Rabbit with a cup of tea comes to visit.]

But it isn't selfish to worry about her.

[stupidhonor]

She is a person who is close to me. But... everyone who died was close to someone, too.

[majestic_keiki]

Those people also worry the most about their friends and loved ones. And you didn't do anything to hurt or abandon others for her, you just feel more strongly about somebody who matters to you.

[stupidhonor]

I know. I know, that is true, but...

What can I do? I feel so worried, and... helpless.

[majestic_keiki]

Try to live life as well as you can so she doesn't have to worry about you if she returns.

The only other thing is helping with the cleanup and search in China.

[stupidhonor]

That is not easy... I am unsure how well I will do.

[majestic_keiki]

I know. But it's all you can right now.

[fourth_rider]

Perhaps. But, I do not know her as well as you do.

She said to keep an open mind about her appearance.

[stupidhonor]

Whatever shape she may return as, I would welcome it.

But, that means she would return...

[fourth_rider]

There is nothing else to go on.

And hope... is what makes humans special.

[stupidhonor]

I should be hoping for the best. Is that not right?

I should,,, but this is not how I feel at all.

[fourth_rider]

For now, we can neither confirm nor deny her fate.

Until evidence is found, it may be better to depend on her word.

[stupidhonor]

I want to believe in it. But... even now, I am the kind of person who can do nothing but worry.

[lostamigo]

...

Give her time.

[stupidhonor]

How much time?

She should have been found by now.

[lostamigo]

The missile went far. Who knows at which point she got off it.

[stupidhonor]

Who knows, yes...

[Sielje doesn't really look convinced.]

[actuallyselfish]

"We've had people who've come back from worse odds," Dido says softly. "I think you shouldn't be afraid to hope."

[stupidhonor]

I... am not good at hoping.

[actuallyselfish]

"I don't think you can come this far with the Unity Group without being good at hoping," Dido suggests to Sieljie. She shakes her head. "Every time we sortie, we could die. Out on the battlefield, wherever I look I see my friends throwing themselves into the lion's mouth."

She shrugs. "But then I see my friends pull off the impossible and come back alive from the most ridiculous, unfair scenarios. Riding a lava projectile into oblivion? That's just another battle."

She meets Sieljie's eyes. "Have faith that Jen will win it," she says.

[stupidhonor]

It is... easy to say.

I should, should I not? But this is not how I feel. I told to myself that this will end alright. But the more time passes, the more I feel like I was just... lying to myself.

[actuallyselfish]

Dido nods and exhales. "I think that's alright too," she says. "A lot of people find strength in tough times by trying to make the lies they tell real. But your strength's always come from honesty-from facing painful truths straight on."

She meets Sieljie's eyes. "Tell it to me straight," she says. "Do you truly believe that Jen's dead?"

[stupidhonor]

Truly believe? I do not want to.

But, the way things are... I am afraid it is more likely, than it is not...