Herding Cats

[a_louse]

[Roger enters his temporary office in Alhambra. What follows, he didn't expect. The place is a ravaged mess, with half the stuff on the floor and many pieces of furniture knocked over. The perpetrators are around too; cats of Fl. Cl., a few of them running around chasing a ball, one sleeping on the desk, and another sitting in the middle of the mess and pretending nothing is going on.]

...


What do you think you're doing?!

Comments

[star_of_sad]

Pet problems?

[Setsuko peers into the room curiously.]

[a_louse]

I don't think I give the impression of a pet keeper.

"We are not pets to giant and clumsy humans. We are the proud warriors of Fl.Cl, nya!"
[Oh hey, the cats talk. Or one of them does, at least.]

And why exactly are proud warriors making a mess of my office?

"What's an office? This big hall is full of things to pla- I mean, exercise with!"

[Judging by his expression, Roger is facepalming inside his mind.]

[star_of_sad]

Oh. The cats are sapient and can talk. Of course they can.

[Setsuko comments with the weak tone of someone with a slipping grasp on reality.]

Do you think this place was set up so you could play, I mean exercise around it?

[a_louse]

"Why else would it be set up this way?"

Maybe so the owner would be able to do important paperwork and research in peace? Has that idea crossed your mind?

"Sounds boring nya. The life of a human must be really boring!"

[star_of_sad]

So are you trying to make our lives more entertaining like this? You really don't have to...

[a_louse]

[One of the other cats approaches, pushing the ball with its paw.]

"Play. Does Crow-man want to play?"

Unless you can promise you'll get out of my office, I'll have to refuse.

"Nyau... What about cake girl? Will she play?"

[star_of_sad]

Cake... girl? Crow-man?

[The descriptions are accurate, at least. Setsuko rolls the ball on the ground, observing the cats' reactions.]

[a_louse]

"Ball!"

[Several of the cats start chasing after the moving, rolling object. One of the more enthusiastic ones knocks a still-standing chair over.]

[Roger just makes this face.]

[star_of_sad]

Yes, ball. Look, the ball. Do you want the ball?

[By mysterious twist of fate, the ball rolls out of the room now.]

[a_louse]

[Roger watches the cats run out of the room, tripping over each other.]
Well, that takes care of the problem. Good job, miss Ohara.

[One of the cats remains, sitting on the desk. Roger picks it up and puts it on a soft chair instead. The cat waves its paw, lazily.]

Mostly.

[star_of_sad]

[As soon as the cats are gone, Setsuko closes the door. So long!]

I am still your assistant in a way, mr Smith. After talking to rugged members of Paradigm's underside, cats shouldn't be that troublesome... even talking ones.

[a_louse]

Don't feel obliged to help me no matter what. If you ever had any debts with me, you paid them a long time ago. I'd lie if I said that help is not welcome, of course.

[Roger picks up one of the chairs and sets it up again. The cat mumbles something, as if sleeping.]

"I am the most rugged pilot CLAW ever had. No humans are a match for me, underside or upperside or whatever!"
[Then it tumbles off the chair to the ground. No further reaction.]

[star_of_sad]

I think that one is still living in the past...

Ah! No, I don't do this because of a debt. I just think it's good that we help one another.

[a_louse]

It's dreaming of days of former glory.

Well, you know the rules of Roger Smith, Setsuko. I'm glad to help you with anything you need, as well. Though when it comes to this mess...

[Roger picks up the broken remains of an hourglass.]

...I wouldn't dare to ask for more of your help. Too much menial work for a lady whose talents are better used elsewhere.

[star_of_sad]

If you say so... though I'm sure this kind of catastrophe won't repeat itself, will it?

[a_louse]

It won't.

Because I'll lock the door next time.

[star_of_sad]

That should help keep at least some of the cats out.

Well... I won't help clean up if you don't want me to, but will you be alright here? I hope nothing really important was broken.

[a_louse]

[Roger looks at the remains in his hand, then chucks them into the bin.]

Nothing that cannot be fixed. Or replaced.

[star_of_sad]

Not the most important thing cats broke in the history of cats breaking things, then. I think.

I wonder where are they off to now?

[a_louse]

You'd have to ask Socrates for that. But cats are cats. As long as they stay away from offices of busy people, I doubt they'll have much difficulty being accepted by human society.

[star_of_sad]

Ah, no, no. I appreciate you being thoughtful of their future, but I mean...

Where did the herd that chased after the ball go?

They're not under the door. I'd be able to hear them.

[a_louse]

Same answer. Only their leader would manage to give a bit of discipline to that mob.

Either that, or they went straight to the kitchen.

[star_of_sad]

I do not envy the chefs at the moment...

[Yet Setsuko is amused at the thought, regardless.]

[mc_of_mcs]

[Neptune watches as this unfolds.]

Hey-hey, mister. Did you, like, anger the feline gods or something?

[a_louse]

Those would have to be the most fickle and ungrateful gods, considering this happend after I helped these cats in a fight.

"We follow no gods, nyas! The Fl. Cl. have no masters but themselves!"
[Oh great, the cats are talking.]

[mc_of_mcs]

Well, they can talk. So I guess that's a plus.

Maybe you could try to get along.

[a_louse]

"We are getting along. Fl. Cl. are friends of United Group!"

And you're showing your solidarity by wrecking my place.

"It looks much better after we redecorated it, nya! Better for running too. Wanna give it a try?"

[mc_of_mcs]

Sure! What do I have to do?

[a_louse]

"Just run around, like is!"

Wait a second. Did I say you have my permission?

"...And ignore the crow man!"

[mc_of_mcs]

In that case...

Yaaaaay~!

[And run around she does. This isn't helping at all.]

[a_louse]

Hey now...

[Suddenly, roger grabs the back of Nep's collar with one hand, and the cat with the other.]

This place is enough of a mess already, don't you think?

Nyat again!

[mc_of_mcs]

[Nep's legs are still in spinny wheel mode as she's lifted by the back of her hoodie.]

But, but...I didn't even get to go across the desk...

[a_louse]

The cats already did that for you. Several times at least, from the looks of it.

[Roger looks at the pandemonium. The cat flails in his hand.]

"You can't use size difference to your advantage! It's unfair!"

[spearpunch]

[Oh crap Mr. Smith's back. So much for trying to do damage control before he returned!]

... I'm sorry Mr. Smith, I didn't see you in here so I thought it'd be okay to let them in for a little bit and then they just got all..

[Well, all about doing what cats normally do.]

[a_louse]

Hibiki...

"Thank you, bird-human hybrid! You might be partially a bird, but this place is the best!"

[Roger sighs on the inside, hearing the cats talk.]

Well, that explains how they got in here. Now it's time to get them out. Before they cause even more damage.

[spearpunch]

Right... right!

[And there Hibiki goes, running after a cat as if it were a second nature to her. Then again, sorta is.]

Hey! You have to leave now since Mr. Smith's back again!

[a_louse]

Watch our, or else-

"I don't want to. This place is too fun!"

"Catch the bird-human!"

[While Hibiki chases after one of the cats, several others jump on her from high shelves and other strategic vantage points.]

...That might happen.