DECIDE DESTINATION

[keep_your_dignity]

[Late afternoon, Alhambra. After the downfall of the Avian Empire, the atmosphere is fairly relaxed, with the stopping of a genocidal alien invasion being a reason for pride for the whole of Unity Group. So the place is clearly not very tense...]

*ZOWNT* *BOOM*

[...aaaand suddenly there's a beam sound and an explosion, and a molten hole through multiple walls in a mostly empty area of the base. By the time security arrives, they find Kagura, who extends some stiff apologies - apparently one of her suit's in-built weapons has malfunctioned and shot itself when she was performing a checkup. Which is odd, Kagura being Kagura, but people generally know better than to try to get something out of Kagura that she doesn't want to share. She's been moving less around base lately, at least visibly, which probably means she's either doing something secret or she's got something on her mind or she's extra annoyed at something.

And now it's several hours later, and you run into Kagura's suit standing in that complete immobility that betrays the fairy inside is not bothering to control it right now. Kagura is thinking, and whatever she's thinking about is clearly important.]

[OOC note: Other authority figures, leaders, and generally dutiful characters that Kagura could reasonably bounce ideas off are especially welcome, here]

Comments

[abugslife]

A silver piece for your thoughts, Major?

[keep_your_dignity]

[It takes Kagura a couple seconds to react outwardly and greet Hetepheres]

GENERAL.

MY THOUGHTS WOULD BE WORTH RATHER MORE THAN A SILVER PIECE, BELIEVE ME.

BUT I SUPPOSE YOUR INPUT WOULD BE MORE VALUABLE THAN MOST HERE

[abugslife]

It is a rare circumstance to see you be undecided about something. I am listening.

[keep_your_dignity]

[Kagura stays silent for a few seconds, as if deciding whether to speak.]

IT IS A MATTER OF WHAT I HAVE TO DO AND WHAT I SHOULD DO. CIRCUMSTANCES HAVE CHANGED.

I EXPECT YOU TO TELL THIS TO NO ONE.

TWENTY NINE DAYS AGO, DURING THE SORTIE AGAINST BLACK CHARISMA, I WAS KILLED.

[Wait what?]

[abugslife]

You seem alive from where I am standing. Am I talking to the clone of the original?

[keep_your_dignity]

NO. MY DEATH WAS UNDONE. SOMETHING PULLED ME AND ALL ALLY UNITS NEAR ME INTO A PARTIALLY REAL EXOVERSAL MINDSCAPE, AND THEN RETURNED TO THIS UNIVERSE AT A POINT IN TIME TEN SECONDS BEFORE MY DEATH, WHICH I AVOIDED THIS TIME. A LITERAL SECOND SHOT.

IF I DID NOT HAVE THE CONFIRMATION OF OTHER SUBJECTS, I MIGHT HAVE SIMPLY CONVINCED MYSELF I WAS FINALLY GOING CRAZY AND IT WAS A HALLUCINATION. BUT I KNOW IT WAS NOT, AND EVEN IF IT WAS, EIGHT PEOPLE SUFFERING THE SAME COLLECTIVE HALLUCINATION IS NOT A COINCIDENCE.

THIS WAS THE FIRST INEQUIVOCAL SIGN THAT THERE IS SOMETHING HAPPENING AND I'M IN IT. THE SECOND BEGAN HAPPENING YESTERDAY.

[abugslife]

[Hetepheres stays quiet for a few seconds, as if thinking about what Kagura has just told her. It is a lot to absorb after all.]

...Continue.

[keep_your_dignity]

YOU ARE AWARE OF MY CONDITION. I CAN STILL PRODUCE ENERGY, BUT BEING WOUNDED AND UNABLE TO SYNCHRONIZE, THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO WITH IT EXCEPT POWER THIS SUIT.

[The suit begins to open up, and the little fairy flies out, with an expression as grim as her little doll-like features will allow. She extends an arm, pointing at the desert, and grits her teeth. She's in very obvious pain for about ten seconds, clearly making an effort, and the air crackles-]

*ZOWNT*

[...and from her little outstretched arm shoots a discharge of pure SOL energy, looking like what can only be described as a lightning bolt made of fire, that melts a large boulder to paste.

Heph is going to have a few moments to react, though, because Kagura is clutching her chest and breathing raggedly. That was pretty clearly not pleasant.]

[abugslife]

[Hetepheres waits patiently until Kagura's breathing returns to normal.]

That demonstrated your point clearly enough, major. Has your apparent death changed something in regards to your condition?

[keep_your_dignity]

[It takes a few minutes, but in the end Kagura seems to stabilize herself, and floats back towards her suit, shaking her head at Hetepheres's question before getting back in and closing it. The suit comes to life a few seconds later with a pneumatic sound, and Kagura's robotic voice sounds again]

OR SOME CHANGE IN MY CONDITION CAUSED THAT DEATH REVERSAL IN THE FIRST PLACE AND THIS IS JUST THE NEXT POINT. I DON'T KNOW. MISTLETOES DON'T NORMALLY COME BACK FROM THE DEAD OR ARE CAPABLE OF DOING THIS KIND OF SHIT WITHOUT SYNCHRONIZING.

AND THE PROBLEM IS I HAVE EXTREMELY SPECIFIC ORDERS IF SOMETHING UNUSUAL HAPPENS TO ME.

[abugslife]

And you are wondering should you follow these orders.

What are they?

[keep_your_dignity]

ABANDON MY CURRENT POSTING. CEDE COMMAND OF MY SQUAD TO MAJOR ETRIGAN. RETURN TO BASE HADRANIEL. REPORT IN FULL TO SCIENCE PERSONNEL.

LIKELY SPEND THE REST OF THE YEAR, IF NOT MY LIFE, STRAPPED TO A TEST TABLE TO MAKE SURE WHATEVER THE FUCK IS HAPPENING TO ME ISN'T GOING TO MAKE ME GO NUCLEAR.

WHICH MAKES SENSE. BUT WHILE I'M SURE THEY CAN MAKE ME SAFE, THE EGGHEADS AREN'T GOING TO FIND OUT WHY THIS IS HAPPENING. I CAN, I KNOW IT. AND IT HAS TO DO WITH THE PRAYERS, MARK MY WORDS.

BUT TO DO THAT, I WOULD HAVE TO FLAGRANTY DISOBEY DIRECT ORDERS.

[abugslife]

I see. Before I say what I think about it, answer my question, major:

Is trying to find out the truth your main motivating factor... Or is it because you would rather not become a test subject for the rest of your life?

[keep_your_dignity]

THAT'S NOT AN EASY QUESTION TO ANSWER TRUTHFULLY, GENERAL. YOU KNOW THAT. IT'S PART OF WHAT I'M THINKING ABOUT.

I WANT TO KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING. WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME SPECIFICALLY. AND I WANT TO FINISH THE JOB I STARTED BEFORE MY UNFINISHED BUSINESS TURNS INTO A BLOODY DISASTER.

BUT YES. IF I DECIDE TO TURN MYSELF IN, I WILL SUGGEST DISSECTION. I WOULD RATHER SIMPLY BE DESTROYED THAN SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE STRAPPED TO A TUBE.

SO THERE IS A GOOD CHANCE MY JUDGEMENT IS IMPAIRED IN THIS INSTANCE. WHY THE FUCK ELSE DO YOU THINK I'M TELLING YOU ALL THIS?

[abugslife]

I would not blame any soldier who refuses to follow a blatant suicide order. And I have no respect for a leader who gives such an order.

The order given to you, major, is worse than suicide.

[keep_your_dignity]

I HAVE NO FEAR FOR DEATH, GENERAL. I'M PRACTICALLY DEAD ALREADY. I'VE RUN SUICIDE MISSIONS BEFORE. I'M SIMPLY MORE USEFUL ALIVE THAN DEAD, SO I DON'T DIE.

IF ALL THAT WAS ASKED OF ME WAS TO DIE, I WOULDN'T CONSIDER MY JUDGEMENT IMPAIRED BY PERSONAL INTEREST.

[abugslife]

Death does not scare you. But spending the rest of your life on an operating table does.

My answer does not change. Just be aware that if you choose to disobey your orders, you shall take full responsibility for all direct results of that decision. Though I doubt that prospect scares you, major.

[keep_your_dignity]

I DON'T KNOW IF WHAT I FEEL IS FEAR OR LOATHING. BUT THE IDEA MAKES ME WANT TO THROW MYSELF INTO A WOOD CHIPPER.

AND YES, I KNOW. AND I UNDERSTAND THE RISK. OR RATHER, I UNDERSTAND THERE IS A RISK. WHAT I DON'T KNOW IS WHAT IT IS. WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME IS NOT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN TO ANY MISTLETOE.

[There's a moment of pause there]

AT LEAST OFFICIALLY.

[abugslife]

If you are willing to carry this responsibility... Then do it. Go against your orders. Search for the truth, Major.

[keep_your_dignity]

[Kagura stays silent for a full minute, staring into the horizon]

IT'S NOT AS EASY AS THAT, GENERAL.

I HAVE NEVER GONE AGAINST A DIRECT ORDER. I HAVE INTERPRETED AND SUBVERTED, YES, BECAUSE THAT IS WHY OFFICERS EXIST. BUT I HAVE NEVER DISOBEYED A DIRECT ORDER.

[Another very uncomfortable pause.]

DO YOU KNOW WHAT SEPARATES SOMETHING LIKE ME FROM A SPREE MURDERER, GENERAL? ACCOUNTABILITY. CHECKS AND BALANCES. SOCIETAL MANDATE. I CAN'T SIMPLY DO WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT, AND THAT'S HOW WE GET SOMETHING THAT WORKS. BIG DECISIONS GO THROUGH MULTIPLE PEOPLE AND THEREFORE THE RISK OF ONE OF THEM HAVING GOT LEAD POISONING AND WEARING HER UNDERPANTS ON HER HEAD AND KILLING EVERYONE IS MINIMIZED.

I SUPPOSE THAT'S WHY I NEVER FIT IN THIS DAMNED PLACE. PEOPLE HERE ARE EAGER TO BELIEVE IN HEROES. IN GREAT PEOPLE HISTORY. BUT A PERSON IS JUST A PIECE. IT'S EVERY COG'S RESPONSIBILITY TO MAKE SURE THE MACHINE WORKS AS IT SHOULD, BUT THE MACHINE IS WHAT IS GOING TO MOVE THE WORLD.

AND NOW I'M CONTEMPLATING DOING PRECISELY THAT. GOING WITH MY OWN GUT ON DATA I CAN'T EVEN PROPERLY VERIFY INSTEAD OF WHAT A WHOLE COUNCIL OF PEOPLE WITH HIGHER CLEARANCE AND THUS LIKELY DATA I DON'T HAVE ORDERED ME TO DO. WHAT I'VE ARRESTED OVER TWO DOZEN PEOPLE FOR DOING.

SO ON TOP OF A DAMAGED PIECE OF FURNITURE AND AN EXPLOSIVE HAZARD I'M ALSO A FUCKING HYPOCRITE. YIPPEE-KA-FUCKING-YAY.

[abugslife]

I am sure you are aware that Gebian society venerates great people to an even bigger degree thatn any and all major societies of Earth do, major.

Yet, despite that, I am aware of your circumstances. I am aware of the dilemma that is boiling within you. But, in the end, your decision boils down to one of two choices; I have simply said whichever one I advice you to take. In the end, the decision is up to you.

[Hetepheres turns around, as if ready to leave.]

...Instances where your gut feeling was wrong have been very rare so far, major.

[reactorhead_russians]

"Mmm..." Alexis grunts. He stands by Kagura, folds his arms, and waits patiently for Kagura to speak up.

[keep_your_dignity]

RANGER KAIDANOVSKY.

CAN I HELP YOU?

[reactorhead_russians]

"Spacebo, I don't need help." Alexis rumbles. "Do you?"

[keep_your_dignity]

NO. THAT MALFUNCTION WILL NOT REPEAT ITSELF. I WAS CARELESS.

I AM JUST THINKING. THERE IS A DECISION I HAVE TO TAKE.

[reactorhead_russians]

"Over whether to cut ties with the Executors?" Alexis asks.

[keep_your_dignity]

I MAY BE MANY THINGS, KAIDANOVSKY, BUT I'M NO TRAITOR.

I CAN'T TELL YOU ALL THE DETAILS. BUT THE PROBLEM IS, BASICALLY, THAT I HAVE EXTREMELY DIRECT ORDERS IF A CERTAIN CIRCUMSTANCE HAPPENS. IT SEEMS TO BE HAPPENING. BUT MY GUT TELLS ME I WILL FIND OUT WHAT IS HAPPENING BETTER MYSELF THAN THE EGGHEADS WILL STRAPPING ME TO A TEST TABLE.

IF MY GUT IS RIGHT I COULD BE STOPPING A VERY SERIOUS PPROBLEM BEFORE IT STARTS. BUT IF MY GUT IS WRONG I COULD BE LEADING MY ENTIRE SQUAD AND LIKELY THIS ENTIRE BASE TO MASSIVE RISK IF NOT OUTRIGHT DESTRUCTION.

[reactorhead_russians]

"Resignation is not treachery," Alexis points out. "But I think I understand, Major."

He stews over Kagura's concerns. "Is the problem you speak of something like an explosion or natural disaster...or more like targeted destruction from an enemy?"

[keep_your_dignity]

A NATURAL DISASTER COULD LIKELY BE A VALID COMPARISON, YES, EVEN IF I DON'T KNOW THE EXACT DETAILS. FOR BOTH THE PROBLEM AND THE RISK I RUN IF I FUCK UP.

[reactorhead_russians]

Alexis grunts. "Usually," he points out, "in this situation a soldier is supposed to defer to his superior." He raises an eyebrow. "But I'm guessing you do not quite trust the motives of your Graveyard commanders, da?"

[keep_your_dignity]

TRUST IS NOT A WORD IN MY VOCABULARY IN GENERAL, RANGER.

BUT IN THIS CASE I KNOW WHAT THE REACTION WOULD BE. FOLLOW MY ORDERS. GET STRAPPED TO A TEST TABLE TO FIND OUT WHAT IS HAPPENING. ALL I HAVE TO GO ON ABOUT THIS SERIOUS PROBLEM IS A THEORY AND SOME DATA THE ORIGIN OF WHICH I CAN'T PROVE. NOTHING SUBSTANTIAL ENOUGH. WHILE THE FACT THAT SOMETHING IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW RIGHT HERE IS INCONTROVERTIBLE.

AND THE CIRCUMSTANCE IN QUESTION IS LIKELY TO MAKE ME MORE VALUABLE TO GRAVEYARD AS A TEST SUBJECT THAN A FIELD OPERATIVE. AT LEAST IN THEIR VIEW.

AS YOU CAN IMAGINE, THAT IS THE ONE POINT I DISAGREE WITH.

[reactorhead_russians]

"Hmmm..." Alexis grunts. "Assuming you decide to follow your gut...what will you need to try and fix your problem? If you need supplies, I know some discrete folks..."

[keep_your_dignity]

TIME. AND ACCESS TO SENSOR EQUIPMENT, ENERGY SIGNAL TRACERS, AND SOME DISCREET SCIENCE PERSONNEL.

[reactorhead_russians]

Alexis nods to himself. "Done, and done." He frowns. "I do know some scientists who can keep their mouths shut. Do you mind them being...a bit shady?"

[keep_your_dignity]

[If Kagura wasn't an emotion reader and thus already knew, this is where she'd probably look at him sideways and ask him if he's serious]

HAVE YOU LOOKED AT THE INSIGNIA I'M WEARING, RANGER KAIDANOVSKY?

I'VE PROBABLY DONE MORE SHADY SHIT THAN THEY HAVE.

[reactorhead_russians]

"Da, da..." Alexis says, raising his hands. "Poor question, I know."

[empress_without_a_throne]

Brooding over your weapon malfunction? Or is this something else?

[keep_your_dignity]

I'M TRYING TO THINK. I HAVE A DECISION TO MAKE.

[empress_without_a_throne]

A serious one by the look of things.

[keep_your_dignity]

SOME POSSIBLE OUTCOMES INCLUDE ME BEING DOWNED FOR MONTHS, OR GOING NUCLEAR, AMONG OTHERS.

SO YES, PRETTY FUCKING SERIOUS.

[empress_without_a_throne]

Then let's hear this conundrum of yours. Something this potentially dangerous to others shouldn't be something you have to decide on your own.

[keep_your_dignity]

DECIDING ABOUT POTENTIALLY DANGEROUS THINGS ON MY OWN IS LITERALLY MY BLOODY JOB, ONODERA.

MY PROBLEM ISN'T THE DANGER. IS DECIDING BETWEEN WHAT I MUST DO AND WHAT I SHOULD DO.

BUT HERE'S AN ENTREE - DO YOU REMEMBER THE SORTIE AGAINST BLACK CHARISMA? I WAS KILLED THERE.

[empress_without_a_throne]

[She lets that first bit pass. At least for the moment.]

I heard about that, and how it wasn't just you who "died" there either. And for some reason there's no digital record of what happened afterwards, like it didn't happen.

[keep_your_dignity]

WELL, IF YOU HEARD ABOUT IT, I NEED TO GO KILL WHOEVER BLABBED AND ANYONE OUTSIDE THIS GROUP THEY MIGHT HAVE TOLD IT TO.

BUT YOUR VERSION IS WRONG. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO DIE. AND IT HAPPENED, AND THEN IT DID NOT HAPPEN. LONG STORY SHORT, SOME KIND OF FOURTH DIMENSIONAL EXOVERSAL REWRITE LOOP. I WILL NOT GO INTO THE SHARED THOUGHT EXPERIENCE HERE.

THAT WAS THE FIRST INDICATION.

[empress_without_a_throne]

You know it's things like what you just said that make people wonder if you're any better than everyone else in the Graveyard you bitch about.

But yes. You died "properly", everyone else died after... whatever it was that happened.

So what "indications" came after that?

[keep_your_dignity]

YOU MIGHT WANT TO ACTUALLY LISTEN TO WHAT PEOPLE SAY INSTEAD OF GOING WITH WHATEVER IMPRESSION YOU GET FROM HALF-REMEMBERED SHIT, BECAUSE YOU SEEM TO HAVE A VERY MISTAKEN IMPRESSION OF MY BITCHING.

BESIDES, YOU ARE THE ONE WITH HER HEAD SET ON BEING A HERO. I'M NOT A HERO, AND IF I EVER SAY I WANT TO BE A HERO I HOPE SOMEONE WILL SHOOT ME IN THE FUCKING HEAD.

BUT I TAKE SECURITY SERIOUSLY. DOUBLE SO WHEN THE INFORMATION IN QUESTION WOULD MAKE ANY REASONABLE PERSON THROW ME INTO A DISSECTION TABLE.

[empress_without_a_throne]

Next time you ask me if I know something you've deemed classified I'll be sure to say I don't then.

Now I'll ask again. What "indications" came after the first?