Always darkest before pitch black

[empress_without_a_throne]

[1]

[When she awakes, Mizuki finds herself no longer in the DuskBird and the battle is long since ended.  The second battle with SolEraser, and her desperate, last attempt at taking the machine down... it's still fresh in her mind.  But she's in the infirmary, bandaged and with whatever deep see-based medicines the Unity Group had on-hand in case they were needed.  She felt... weary.]

What happened out there?

[And it's then that the medical staff gets to break the news to her.  About just what happened to SolSavior and the power it had unleashed.]



-But if I'd done that much to SolSavior itself, then...

Oh God!

[2]



[And some time later, Mizuki is just, lying in a sobbing heap nearby Ken and Dido's beds.  It was the SolBalmung incident all over again... there was just a hard limit to how much Void energy a human being can be exposed to and Ken and Dido had skirted dangerously close to it.  She had done this.  She had brought forth all the power of the Abyss Empress to bring down on the Eraser team, but it was her own friends and comrades that'd paid the price for it.  SolSavior itself lay wrecked even more than before, and this too was her doing.  And even if her body was in better shape now, her mind...]

Stop it...

[It's barely above a whisper.]

Stop congratulating me... all of you!  I'm not Marianas!  I'm not here to cause suffering!  I didn't want... I never wanted any of this!

Comments

[actuallyselfish]

"What?" Dido says blinking her eyes. "No! I mean, c'mon! What've you got to be sorry for? You saved the day...you saved everyone in that city!"

She tries to move and winces. "Don't cry...!"

[empress_without_a_throne]

And if I'd killed you and Ken? Or if that maneuver hadn't worked at all?

Are we going to just go into every fight knowing that we'll have to risk blowing it apart and us with it if the enemy's too strong?

[actuallyselfish]

"...when has that ever not been the case?"

[empress_without_a_throne]

Dido, don't... joke about that! Not now!

I nearly killed you out there!

[actuallyselfish]

"That's not true!" Dido raises her hand. "It was that SolEraser team that nearly killed us! They had us dead to rights, and an entire city full of people too if we failed! If you hadn't pulled out the stops like that, Ken and I would have died for sure!"

[actuallyselfish]

She stares at her hands. "I wasn't trying to joke, Mizuki. It's just...every time we go out there, there's always a chance we won't come back. Always. And I've made my peace with that."

[empress_without_a_throne]

Dido, I...

[She's half inclined to give the woman a hug or hold her hand or something. But she stops herself in fear that such close contact might be too soon for her.]

... I wish I could say the same. You just, got conscripted to be a warm body piloting the Lancer, at least at the start. And Ken wound up having nowhere to go.

Neither of you were here by choice... just victims of circumstance. And I didn't want, and don't want you to die because of those circumstances.

[actuallyselfish]

"Mizuki..."

Dido hesitates, then reaches out to take Mizuki's hand and squeeze it.

Then she lets go and flicks Mizuki gently across the forehead. "Listen to yourself! Victims of circumstance? Is that all you think we are?"

[empress_without_a_throne]

Well... neither of you signed on to Solaris intending to do this. Reviving the old tradition of the Sol machines... that was me and the Director... and Sara...

[actuallyselfish]

"And you think me and Ken are staying on the flight roster just out of a sense of duty to you..." Dido says softly.

She sighs, leans back in her bed, and meets Mizuki's eyes. "Well, let me make things clear: if Ken and I wanted to leave, we would have left. We could have stepped down months ago, and brought in test pilots with ten times the training and experience, even on our shoestring budget!"

She folds her arms. "We're doing this because we want to! To help you, yeah...but also because we want to take down the Indalph with our own hands!"